she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
