ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I could make wine with my vomit
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
