Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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