I think I died a long time ago.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
