my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
