I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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