how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
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