after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
