did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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