yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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