Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
