I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
