what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
