People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
