i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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