Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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