I molested 6 butterflies tonight
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
