toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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