either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Randomize
