"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize