What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
