singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
