textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
