I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
The best revenge is premature balding
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I just got carded by a ten year old.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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