he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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