thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
