I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i think i have two assholes
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
