I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I want her autograph on my taint
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
