He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
