i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
