i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
i believe in u and ur pee
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
