New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
