All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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