Screwed.edu
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
