OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
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