If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize