dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Actions speak louder than pants.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
