Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
