sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I met the friendliest cop last night
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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