I want to make a zoo with you.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
