I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
