Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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