thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
