The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
