Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
