reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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