Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
