Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
