Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
