wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
