I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
