sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
