It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
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