You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize