there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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