Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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