the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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