..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Also, beer. Big fan.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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