i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
