Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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