ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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