did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
