How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
