Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Randomize