I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
