3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
