just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
