i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
pop tarts are not kleenex
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
