wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
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