Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Screwed.edu
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
