Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
