mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
