I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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