Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
