I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
