Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
