He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
