Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
