is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
