How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
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