Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
