it wasn't lemon gatorade
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
third nipple confirmed
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
