I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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