Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
