So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
