apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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