Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
