so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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