Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
