I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
