He uses pillows to masturbate.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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